Tuesday, August 17, 2010

New York vs. Louisville

(I interrupt my moving story for something short and fun, I hope!)

New York vs. Louisville

As a newcomer to Louisville I can’t help but compare it to my old stomping ground, New York City. Why did I move here? Should you care? Those, my friends, are questions that have no answer. Today I am just going to shoot from the hip and see how the River City stacks up against the Big Apple. Get out your scorecards!

1. New York has the finest drinking water in the U.S.
2. Apparently in Louisville you shouldn’t drink the water without a prescription as it’s loaded with drugs. Hmm, maybe that’s why I’ve been in such a good mood lately?
Advantage: Louisville.

Access To Stuff:
1. New York is a city of neighborhoods, and every block has tons of stuff within walking distance. Barring that, take the subway. Barring that? Buddy, you’re screwed.
2. Here nothing is walking distance even though nothing is far. But from what I’ve seen the public transportation system doesn’t really work, coordinating busses that don’t really show up. Perhaps we should take shorter trips via horse?
Advantage: New York.

1. New York features cramped, bedbug-ridden hovels with noisy neighbors, lead paint and no laundry or dishwasher. On the bright side at least they’re really, really expensive.
2. Here we live in a lovely apartment complex where I’ve never even met my neighbors.
Advantage: Louisville

1. New York has the best deli, bagels, pizza, Chinese food, Thai food, Indian food, Pakistani food passed off as Indian food, Italian food apart from pizza, and whatever it is they actually sell out of those pushcarts. Lamb? Rat?
2. Louisville has hot browns, good barbecue, Derby Pie and Chick-fil-A. I love Chick-fil-A, and New York has like one. Crazy, right? Crazy.
Advantage: New York.

1. In New York politeness is understood to be a privilege not a right.
2. Here folks are almost too friendly. For instance, three different people thanked me for one small purchase at Office Depot. It was almost like I had given them money or something.
Advantage: Louisville.

1. You may not believe it but New York drivers are the safest in the world. You would be safe too, by the way, if you could never go more than five miles an hour.
2. Here I get tailgated all the time. Maybe they’re just too friendly?
Advantage: New York.

1. New York has the Yankees, the Mets, the Knicks, the Nets, the Giants, the Jets, the Rangers, the Islanders, the Devils, and the Liberty. Now let’s look closer at that list. Half the teams blow, A-Rod is featured in the other half and our best basketball players wear sports bras. (And I’m not talking about you, Eddie Curry.) But, once again, at least the tickets are really, really expensive.
2. Folks here are really into college sports, right? Aren’t those the guys who aren’t actually pros?

Advantage: Tie.

Okay, so let’s call it a draw … for now. I look forward to getting to know my new hometown more so I can stack the deck one way or the other in the future. So be nice to me Louisville! Now onto less contentious matters: Wildcats or Cardinals?

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