Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Me And My Shadow

Quick kids, spot the needy cat!

We are constantly being stalked. The stalker is an eight pound cat named Talisker.

Simply put he is out of his mind with jealousy over this new interloper in our lives. He is the most possessive cat I have ever heard of. By the way he is in my lap right now, sitting here happily. Ah, I imagine he thinks, if only life could always be this way!

The problem isn't just that he's jealous, the problem is that he acts on it. If we leave the bedroom door open he makes a break for it. Often he will run into the bedroom and hide before we can remove him. Then he will get under Stella's crib and make all kinds of noise until she wakes up. Seriously, he likes to wake her up. It's a little psycho.

I mean, he's always been a little psycho. If I pet Cromwell--who perennially looks depressed--Talisker will run over and get in the middle of it. If I am playing with Cromwell Talisker will try to take it over. Occasionally Cromwell will bitch slap him down, but he keeps coming back, like the villain of a really unusual and non-terrifying horror movie.

The problem is that he loves, loves, loves ... me. I've never had a pet glue itself to me before. If I'm on the couch, he's on the couch, if I'm in bed, he wants to be there. If I'm laying down he will often lay on my chest. It's adorable, but I'm also being stalked by a creature that weighs less than a large chicken.

And Talisker is a very goofy cat. For starters he has terrible balance. That thing about cats always landing on their feet? Well, it's not always, I've learned.

He also is completely undignified. If he wants attention he is relentless. I get home from work, and walk into the bedroom, on a typical night. There Randi will be in her customary position, on her side, with Stella feeding. Only then will Talisker bound in, make a bunch of noise, and reach his little paws up to my face. Sometimes he will jump on my shoulder out of nowhere. This would be adorable, except for his horrible habit of never withdrawing his claws. I end up looking like I had a little bit too much fun with the BBM the night before, but sadly it's just my cat.

Other bad habits: he tosses his food out of the bowl for no reason before he eats it. Sometimes this leads to us getting ants.

He likes to eat challah.

The list goes on.

At this stage his constant whining and fussing around Stella--which wakes her up--is starting to really get on Randi's nerves. Cromwell is far more calm and collected. But not the little guy. He will do everything in his power to piss the baby off. And it works!

Ah, one bedroom living! The advantages just keep piling up!

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