Sunday, October 5, 2008

Who's Reading BBD Pt. 2

It's hard to give up a good thing. A few weeks ago I wrote an entry detailing the weird Google searches people do to find this site. Well, I had no idea this would be a forever-replenishing fountain of fun stuff, but it is. Because it didn't take all that long for a whole new list of unusual searches to refill the coffers, making my days just a little bit more weird. This weirdness I now share with you.

For those of you who are new to this blog the idea is that while I list the odd searches people use to find this site I do not include any personal information. And to anyone who used such a search to find this site, but then stayed on as a reader, I thank you. To others who came, but didn't stay, I am sorry you didn't find the boob related porn you so obviously crave. But, trust me, look just a little bit harder. You just might find some, somewhere, on the Internet.

Here we go:

1. "Draw A Childish Spider": I have no idea what this Google search originally relates to. I didn't even know there was such a thing as a childish spider that one could draw. But the searcher clicked on my blog entry about me selling my childish things, including my comic books, in order to make room for Stella Rae. One childish thing I sold? My Amazing Spider-Man comics.

2. "Stuffed Animal Heartbeat Snore": This Google search lead whomever to one of my numerous posts about trying to get Stella to sleep, in this case via the Sleep Sheep (TM).

3. "Keith Richards' Wife And Daughter Photos": A little stalkery, this particular search. Not to mention badly punctuated. Of course it relates to the fact that my daughter is in fact Keith Richards in baby form.

4. "Who Is The Polynesian Guy In The Snickers Commercials?": Now we're getting somewhere interesting. I have no idea how to answer this question, and am delighted that this Internet user had no interest in the other four guys in the Snickers "Feast" ad campaign. Because the Pilgrim, as already noted on this blog, is the hilarious and talented actor Jeff Hiller. But the Polynesian guy? No idea. Could he be Jimmy Snuka?

5. "Emily Osment Wearing Diapers" and "Emily Osment Diaper Commercial": Wow, there must be something in the ether, I don't know. But that there were multiple searches for diapers being worn by a single tween almost-star has to give one pause. Isn't she a little too old and too young to be in diapers? I don't know. I only know that I wrote about Ms. Osment in only the most cursery way, in my slam on Parents magazine. And now we're cyber-joined at the hip forever. Wonderful.

6. "Babies Taking Milk From Their Mother's Boob": Amazingly, when you enter this search in Google my Boob Milk Renaissance entry is the first thing that comes up. As an author it's my proudest moment.

7. "Sleeps Are For Wuss": Despite how amazingly specific, and un-grammatical this search seems it's not totally without precedent. Apparently there is a song by the 90's era alternative rock band Letters To Cleo called "I Could Sleep (The Wuss Song)." The person doing this search, by the way, was using a computer at my old alma mata, Wesleyan University. And they say standards have fallen.

8. "Father Drink Mother Milk Boobs": Believe me, Readers, I ended up with a lot of searches about boobs and milk due to my aforementioned Boob Milk Renaissance entry. This must be an endlessly fascinating topic for some hard up guys out there who weren't breast fed.

9. "Egyptian Cotton Informercial": This search ended up linking up with me due to an old entry I made about Stella's lack of sleep and how all the local stores here in Park Slope only have all organic cotton, and so on. But that's not all that exciting in comparison to what I think an actual cotton infomercial shot in Egypt would resemble. I imagine the world's worst production values and lots of jumping and shouting.

10. "Annie K" boobs/"Anne K" boobs/"Annie K!" boobs: If I thought I ended up with a lot of searches about dudes drinking boob milk I hadn't seen anything yet. There are more searches relating to this one topic than anything else, by quite a margin. Once again, I am sorry, Anne Stesney (the former Anne K. Nodes) that simply because you have posted on my blog, and I have written about boobs, that I have opened the flood gates. That this search is so popular befuddles me. Who is this Annie K? And why are there people searching for more information about her boobs so endlessly? One of the searchers was from Germany, so it's even reached across the Atlantic to one of our NATO allies. Why? Unfortunately I have no answers, only more questions. I am sure that, no matter what, I have not seen the last of this search.

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